The idea for this, my 100th Game Plan column for FOXBusiness.com, came to me from the unlikeliest of places in my daily routine -- listening to an interview of Carlos Mencia on New York’s classic rock station, Q104.3, last week. It is about surrounding ourselves with people who make us better.
Keeping in mind this is comedy and Mencia is known for his cultural humor, here’s what unfolded. He spoke to disc jockey Jim Kerr about no longer doing his television show, The Mind of Mencia, and then about what else he might consider in that medium. Kerr asked him if he’d consider a sitcom, and he said maybe one where he has a white wife because he has one in real life.
“I need that balance in my life,” Mencia said. “Because I used to date Latinas and black girls, and like, I would come home complaining, and instead of telling me to mellow out, they would complain with me. Do you know what I’m saying?
“My wife today, if I come home and I go … I hate Comedy Central. They’re annoying me. I can’t believe that they have a TV show where Jesus Christ is crapped on and then they have this other show where the guy drops the ‘N’ bomb and I can’t do an Obama joke. This is ridiculous.
“She just looks at me and goes, ‘Really? Your life is that hard? Mr. Millionaire? Really? Why don’t you bitch a little more 'I have three cars and 12 motorcycles?'’ And I go, all right, I guess I’m not gonna complain. But if it was a Latina, I would have come home and it would be, ‘I told you. You know how they are. They’re racists.’ My head would explode and everybody would die. It would be like Heroes.”
Racial stereotypes aside, in humor or otherwise, what I liked about this is Mencia’s level of self-awareness. Whatever her ethnic background, his wife provides him with a regular reality check, one he’s smart enough to know he requires. What a privilege it is to have people in our lives who give it to us straight when we need it. Hopefully, most of us are smart enough to seek that.
A while back I interviewed coach and consultant Anthony F. Smith, a leadership expert, and he talked about how the dynamic of the judges on American Idol -- Simon (gets the business of music), Randy (gets the music of music) and Paula (gets the emotional aspect of music) -- is a pretty good guide for life.
“The reason that panel of judges works well is that you get all three elements,” Smith says. “Now, if it were just Simon, it would never work. If it were just Paula, from a show standpoint, as well as a coaching standpoint, you don’t want a coach who just says, ‘Oh, you’re fine, people love you, you’re wonderful.’ You want a coach who says, ‘You know what, I think you’re thinking about this in the wrong way. Or, you know what, I’m just not sure you have the talent for XYZ. You may want to reconsider this.’ You want somebody who knows your world, knows your area, like a Randy. You want somebody who when needed is going to hug you and tell you you’re wonderful and you’re loved (like a Paula). But you also want those Simons that say, ‘By the way, you’ve got to rethink this.’”
Amen.
Perhaps that’s what prompted me a few weeks ago to hire a personal trainer when I wasn’t even in the market for one. This guy approached me at the gym and made some suggestions because he’d noticed my routine had become, well, routine. I resisted each new exercise he showed me until the life coach in me finally realized something was up. Exasperated and on a floor mat, I looked up at him and said, “What are your rates?” He was shocked. Obviously I was craving a push and some accountability.
Take a look at your own partner, or circle of friends, or professional confidantes. Do you have that balance? Do you have someone you can go to when you need brutal honesty? Or a challenge? If yes, congratulations. If no, hop to it.
There is nothing like being able to look an expert or a judge or your spouse in the eye and think, “You make me better. Thank you.”
Nancy Colasurdo is a practicing life coach and freelance writer. Her Web site is www.nancola.com. Please direct all questions/comments to FOXGamePlan@gmail.com.
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